Sometimes good games go bad.  No, not in a Will Smith “bad means good” kind of way.  We mean they suck.  In this week’s podcast the GNSU Crew has a round table discussion about some pretty awful entries in popular franchises.  Three words: Mario’s Time Machine.  Need we say more?

We also give our thoughts on the new TF2 update and Crackdown 2′s multiplayer components.

Got any feedback or questions for us? Hit us up on the contact page!

Videos relating to the podcast after the jump.

He played an awful fucking kinect precursor in 93.  Look at the son of a bitch go!

Brandon Bird did this awesomely hilarious painting titled “Nobody Wants to Play Sega with Harrison Ford“.  Maybe that’s why Harrison Ford is such an angry son of a bitch sometimes?  Maybe not but I think it at least has something to do with it.

Ebert and gamers have engaged in a bit of a disagreement.  Head after the jump to hear our collected thoughts on the subject…

what about now? is this art?

Rogert Ebert is old and just doesn’t get it.  That’s a common accusation tossed at the famous critic regarding his “controversial” stance on the “games as art” debate.  In his latest reply Ebert calmly, and intelligently, states that he should have never brought it up to begin with.  “Some opinions are best kept to yourself,” he says, addressing his previous essays.  In the article posted early this morning he details his thoughts quite a bit, between how he arrived at his opinion and how he has been offered “proof” that his opinion is entirely unreasonable.  In the end, Ebert concludes that he really doesn’t know much of gaming.  He has played very little and it’s not quite fair for him to pass judgment.  Even with this latest commentary, I couldn’t help but recall that my initial reaction to the debate as a whole was: “It’s just one dude, what the fuck?”  Sure, Ebert is a well respected voice within the movie industry and his thoughts are very well regarded, but for the love of god – who cares about what ONE person thinks of it?  Is it because the community wants someone with stature outside their circle to give their favorite titles the nod of approval?  Does it really legitimize anything?

I suppose that’s what this is really about – it’s not entirely about just one guy’s opinion but whether or not it’s legitimate as a whole.  Ebert’s just a public platform for the argument which has gone on and on and on and on within the gaming community itself.  When he posted the essay on his stance some number of months ago, a number of well respected voices of the gaming community spoke up on it.  Sure, they didn’t have the stature of Ebert maybe but they certainly had a lot to say and a lot of people were listening.  In particular I recall the reply of Gabe and Tycho at Penny Arcade.  Gabe’s tongue in cheek reply was a simple “I say games are art and last time I checked, I was beating Michelle Obama, Oprah and Taylor swift in Time’s 100 most influential people list” while Tycho relayed his opinion in typically wordy fashion.  The bottom line from the both of them came in comic form. Out of all the yelling and screaming and angry posts and witty replies on the web and the not-web and whatever medium people are using to go back on forth on this about, the comic from the Penny Arcade guys summed up the “Games are art!” stance pretty well.  Really goddamn well actually.  Even with this outstanding argument in support of “Games as Art” I have to bring up a point that Arien made to me.

Art is subjective.

This is definitely art.

Not even whether or not a “piece” is good or bad art, but whether or not it’s art at all.  It’s so hard to define.  Ebert even admitted that.  He searched for simplest possible definition put forth by a dictionary – and by those standards you could rope in games as art.  Or not.  He states that music and abstract works do not move him as “art” and therefore could be dismissed in the same manner but they are undoubtedly considered art.  He doesn’t quite concede and give up his stance but he does lend a fair amount of good points to the idea of art being subjective.  For me it came down to a couple of pieces I saw in the Modern Art section at the Philadelphia Museum of Art.  There was a series of thousands of tiny hand cut paper butterflies installed all over the wall in groups through the section as well is in the stairway to the next floor up.   There was also a giant yellow piece of canvas painted yellow.  I loved the butterflies but didn’t understand for a second what the deal with the giant yellow square was.  Maybe it represented something important like the sun, or Big Bird, or maybe it was just a joke.  Who knows?  It means something to someone and it was in the goddamn museum of art so it “counts” right?

I still stand by the point I made – Ebert is just another guy.  He has a lot of people listening and responding but in the end he’s just one guy.  I don’t agree with him necessarily but   I’m not going to get into all the itty bitty components of what could make a gaming “experience” art for someone – and even if I did what does it matter anyway?  I’m just some dude and it’s my opinion.

That yellow square sucked though.

Cops or Enforcers as they’re called in these games have options themselves, recover stolen vehicles, witness crimes like muggings taking place before your eyes or do other various missions. Seeing as the word enforcer replaced cop you’re more of a vigilante so you have a license to kill in your pocket. Of course, you can also opt out for tazer guns and beanbag shotguns in the hopes of arresting a criminal which puts them out of the game for 20 seconds longer and allows you to smack talk them at the same time.

Playing this game straight out isn’t the only thing you can do though, this game features quite the detailed clothing, gun, car, music, logo editor. Creating a decal is quite simple, taking shapes and laying them out in sequence or twisting them into other shapes for lots of different pictures. You can then take said decal and plaster it over anything you like, use it as spray paint for tagging walls, put it on your clothes, or even your car. Just take a look at what I and others did…

The Pedobabe?

If the Joker was a fat gay man, he would probably look like this.

Good News: We're on the road!

There’s also a fancy pants music editor for the audibly inclined. Create your own death themes for your enemies to hear as you slay them or even full 3 minute songs, all of which you can then sell on the marketplace for more cash or RTW points. What are RTW points? Shut up, I’m getting to that!

The odd thing about this game is the payment plan. Buying the game nets you 50 hours of action play, which only counts down when playing in an action zone. Outside of action zones are the social areas which is where you customize your character, clothing, cars, etc. Take as much time as you need! Pre-ordering the game offers up a current Key to the City beta access with now 10 hours of play as well as another 10 when you get early access 3 days before the game comes out!

After your 60 hours expires you have a choice to make, you can purchase a whole month of unlimited play for about $10 a month or for those gamers that just want to play a little bit, buy 20 hours of game time for about $7. While 20 hours doesn’t seem like a lot of time, I have 10 currently and with my current joblessness I’m down to about 3 or 4 in a day or two. Think of it this way. You buy 20 hours but you only play for an hour or two maybe every other day…or just through the week, OR maybe you play 3 or 4 hours on the weekend only. You still may come in under the whole months payment.

If you want a first hand look of damage done check out the GNSU Mobile in game:

APB is set to release on June 29th for $50 on steam and in stores. Pre-order now and you also get 3 days early game access as well as 7 Exclusive In Game Items – Includes the Chicken and Strike a Pose Emotes, Criminal and Enforcer Cars, Criminal and CSA Outfit’s along with a Pioneer Decal!

6. Black and White (PC)

Peter Molyneux and Lionhead Studios created one of the more sadistic god games out there with Black and White. While the game certainly felt like it was lacking in many areas, it really let you dish out a few verses of the Old Testament on the populace. See that fresh faced little youngster, full of life and ready to take on a new day? Well, your powers are running a bit low and sending that little scamp to the sacrificial altar is sure to put a bounce back into your step!

Perhaps you’ve just had a long, hard day of godding around and just can’t seem to get any obedience out of the some of the villagers. The solution is to take a page from the book of Exodus. Knock on the home of a particularly unruly family and they’ll all run outside, ready to greet the deity who has taken the time to visit them personally. Snatch up the first born male, throw him into the sunset hard enough that he’s just a speck in the horizon, take a breather and resume your godly duties.

It’s also worth mentioning that you can set up your dream battle between a 50 story tall magical bear and a little girl. Leash them together and just let nature happen. Goldilocks will think twice before eating anymore goddamn porridge.

Bear prepares for his upcoming bout. Goldilocks thinks the flame is too hot. Bear thinks it's just right.

Despite there being even more methods of dispatch, this game only hits spot 6 on our list due to the relatively low level of resistance these kids put up.

5. Deus Ex (PC, PS2)

Deus Ex is hailed by many to be one of the greatest games ever created. You take the role of JC Denton, a nanotechnology augmented counter terrorism agent with UNATCO out to kick ass, uncover conspiracies, and wear his sunglasses at night in a dystopian future. This game put a great deal of emphasis on dialogue and choice, and upon your first encounter with a kid it’s clear that the children of the future are little cretins with no manners.

Here one of the little brats is beyond flat out rude to a member or law enforcement. He both threatens to sick the terrorists on our hero and insults his wardrobe. In the video the player then makes the choice to teach the boy a lesson he won’t soon forget. Fun fact about doing this – if you kill terrorists in the first areas of the game, certain members of UNATCO will berate you for your brutality and withhold items. If you kill kids, it’s pretty much shrugged off.

To further cement the fact that no one in the future gives a damn about kids, take a look at that. You take out a Chinese Laser Sword, duel a prepubescent, and a fully armed bystander who actually employed and liked the kid just shrugs it off and only seems to find your actions somewhat rude.

For the apathetic reactions alone from adults in the world of Deus Ex, this game grabs the number 5 spot on the list.

4. Fallout 2 (PC)

The Fallout series has produced one of gaming’s favorite post apocalyptic worlds. It’s an absolutely engrossing and desolate landscape spotted with the occasional town that’s just barely scraping by. One of these towns is Klamath, filled to the brim with a bunch of pint sized kleptos who nab at your hard earned inventory to take to a shop to sell right back to you for an unfair price. This has infuriated pretty much every wasteland wanderer, and everyone’s impulse is to take out a sledge hammer, chase the little buggers down and smash them square in the groin. This isn’t any kind of hyperbole. Fallout had a fantastic (though now archaic) combat system where you could individually target parts of your enemies, and these little dudes weren’t any exception to this.

Unlike Deus Ex, people did actually take notice when you commit these acts and you actually get the title of “Childkiller” attatched to yourself. In a world with a dwindling population, lowering the chance of the world having any kind of future is seen as a very bad thing. Bounty hunters in power armor will actually start to hunt you down in random encounters and generally try to make your life a living hell.

This icon was originally supposed to be for Childkiller but was dropped from the final release. http://fallout.wikia.com/wiki/Childkiller

There is a loophole to let the kids rob you, exterminate them, and not get penalized for it at all. You load yourself up with nothing but armed and ready timed explosives and take a stroll through town. They’ll hop over, relieve you of your burdens and scurry off to admire their newly acquired prize. Count down a few second and presto.

The children in this game actually pose a viable though minor threat in some way to you, and lands Fallout 2 at number 4.

3. No More Heroes 2 (Wii)

Suda51 is no stranger to including absolutely ridiculous moments in whatever he does (as should be expected as he goes by the name Suda51). He adheres to his tradition of weirding out everyone who plays his games in No More Heroes 2 which features two of the more messed up bosses out there – Mimmy and Pizza Batt Jr.

She is literally too anime.

The only context really provided for this anime monstrosity is that Travis’s brother, Henry, falls asleep and dreams of this. Mimmy begs him to to stay in his imagination world forever, and Henry tries to convince her to come to the real world so she attempts to kill him. That’s pretty much all there is to it. It’s ridiculous, it’s stupid, it’s anime. God bless.

That is a horrible colour scheme.

After Travis Touchdown cuts his way through a multitude of assassins in his journey to be Number One, everything comes to a head where the big reveal hits and the final boss is a nasally voiced bald boy with a pizza tattooed on his head and Elton John glasses. He tricks Travis into believing that all his friends are dead by presenting their (fake) severed heads to him on silver platters, keeping with the stereotype that children are liars. The little runt is a rich one, charging around in daddy’s luxury hovercar to combat Travis, and later taking illegal drugs to try to combat him mano a mano.

Both of these are certainly memorable characters and Pizza Batt Jr actually provides a challenging boss fight. For this they are granted spot 3 on the countdown.

2. Bully (PS2, Wii, 360, PC)

Despite being one of Rockstar’s more tame titles, Bully has garnered a lot of flack from all over about the content of the game. There aren’t brutal fatalities in this game and much of the action is fairly tongue in cheek, but the title alone led many to believe it was just a game about bullying kids until they develop mental disorders. It was actually a well made game where you could be a good guy and help people out and the missions themselves were well written and fun to play.

Jimmy is kicking a butt. Jimmy is doing well.

Why does this game rank so high on the list? Easy. In this game you square off against a prep school of opponents as just another kid. You’re just Jimmy Hopkins – a ginger with an attitude. The game features a pretty in depth fighting system and you can pick a fight with literally anyone. Our red headed step child protagonist can either be a hero to the geeks of the school, a bully, or just an overall prick to everyone storming around punching random people and then making out with some lads. Welcome to number 2, Jimmy. You get a B.

1. Splatterhouse 2 (Sega Genesis)

In first place today is Splatterhouse 2, a game that isn’t exactly renowned for its gameplay. Like others in the series, the focus is generally grossouts, disgusting enemies and brutal ways of dispatching them. Gameplay is relatively simplistic with the player controlling Rick, an average guy who has put on the “Terror Mask” to become a Jason Voorhees knockoff so he can save his girlfriend from demons. It won’t win a Pulitzer, but the set up leads to a boss battle that never seems to get mentioned ever – the fetus fight.

Rick gets pro active with his stance on pro choice.

Rick enters a room and is greeted by a demonic fetus just hanging out from its umbilical cord down from the ceiling. It recedes into the ceiling and disappears as a pair of hedge clippers and a chainsaw float up from the ground and assail our hero. The fetus is telepathic. The only way to stop the weapons from flying at you is to punch them repeatedly. That’s right – the only way to stop a flying functioning chainsaw is to punch it directly in the spinning chain until it stops. Problem solved.

Not really. Now 4 demon fetuses drop down from the ceiling and they’re not happy that you broke their toys. Joke’s on them though – the chainsaw still works. They show their disapproval by dropping in and out like ninjas and spewing all over the place. The game then lives up to its name as Rick charges in and starts up a fetus filleting frenzy, sending green and red mess splattering all over the floor. Evidently chainsaws work just as well as coat hangers. Namco employed some sick sons of bitches back in the day. This whole fight is just wrong in retrospect.

In conclusion if you hate children as much as we do, then these games are for you! (Honorable mention goes to Flash game Dad ‘n Me – you just beat the shit out of kids left and right in this one!)

Do you have opinions on the current hot releases? Dragon Age? Modern Warfare 2?  Anything – write to us, let us know! Tell you’re listening, anything!

arien@goodnewsshutup.com and james@goodnewsshutup.com

We know we haven’t put up a lot of content recently but that’s because we’ve been busy developing some new ideas for the site we think you are going to enjoy including some video content.  As you know we’ve got our first official contest up where we’re giving away a free  copy of the PC game “Left 4 Dead 2″.   Take a look at that post for more details.  You guys still have until Christmas Eve to get your entries in – one lucky bastard is gonna get that game for free Christmas day!

We’re also going to set up a twitter soon as well (we are the Perez Hilton of the video game world) – if you don’t want to subscribe via RSS or keep up with us on iTunes you can keep track of the latest GNSU updates through twitter.

So in the coming weeks expect a lot of new articles, contests, video content, podcasts, minicasts and links to our Youtube and Twitter pages!

DINOSAURS AND SHIT! CLICK TO LISTEN, BITCHES!

Podcast 4 is availible to listen to here: [CLICK TO LISTEN]

First and foremost, if you have any questions, comments, feedback, or fan art (frobel fan art especially) hit us up at

arien@goodnewsshutup.com

james@goodnewsshutup.com

brian@goodnewsshutup.com

As for the show…

Our correspondent in Japan, Our Man In Japan, Sarah Dworken, joins us in our fourth podcast.  This is an exciting one folks – you don’t want to miss it: everything from games as art to the Venture Brothers.  Check it out!  If you want to subscribe via itunes check us out here: [ITUNES LINK!]

More to come soon including our impressions of the New Super Mario Bros. Wii and an article from a very special Otaku…

Ayman al-Zawahiri declares jihad on western gamers in his latest video.

In a recent video issued to Al Jazeera, Al Qaeda has claimed responsibility for the horrifying attack in an airport in the upcoming video game, Modern Warfare 2. Ayman al-Zawahiri, one of the leaders of the terrorist organization, is seen in the video professing the attack as retaliation for the defeat of the unnamed Middle Eastern country from the first Modern Warfare. “Western intervention into the affairs of Muslims knows no bounds, and they hound us into the digital world,” alledges al-Zawahiri. “It is up to us to respond in kind, and defend our cyber bretheren.”

Presiden Kotick gears up to defend his other franchises from Al Qaeda.

Handicam footage of the horrfying event was leaked onto the internet days ago,  quickly being DMCA’d wherever it is uploaded by the legal team at Activision.  While Activision claimed to be removing the videos to limit the backlash,  their determination to remove all traces of it so quickly lead many skeptics to believe that the attack to be an inside job by Activision.  Bobby Kotick, president and CEO of Activision, defended the company and its property, stating, “The developers at Infinity Ward are working day and night on this issue. We have been unable to remove the offending scene from the finished product, but have been able to make it a skippable event.” He went further, pledging to personally combat terrorism in any way he can. His hardline stance has boosted his popularity as president of Activision, after suffering recent public relation snafus with the gaming public. It is still unknown how Al Qaeda implanted the level into the game in the first place.

These moves do not go far enough for Australia, however.   They are looking at ways to bump the rating for Modern Warfare 2 to 18+, essentially banning the game from the country, fearing a virtual attack on their own civillians. Other countries have not followed suit, choosing to listen to President Kotick’s rhetoric. “If you do not allow Modern Warfare 2 into your homes, the terrorists have won. It’s that simple.”

More like the battle of huge foreheads and receding hairlines

Quite recently it’s been announced that American McGee is working on a sequel to his SMASH HIT game “Alice” – I’m sorry, “American McGee’s Alice” (because he is important even though nobody knows who the hell he is!).  Normally this sort of news wouldn’t really warrant mention because nobody really remembers it all that well anyway, however the news broke while promotions have been going on for Tim Burton’s completely zany new movie “Alice in Wonderland.”

So what’s the fuss?

It’s simple: how the fuck is is Hot Topic going to manage all of these?  This is going to incur riots – we’re talking LA in terms of magnitude.  Mall goth kids and “emos” everywhere will be confused.  Lines will be drawn and teams will be formed.

Naturally, Tim Burton has the advantage.  In his corner he has Johnny “I’m always Jack fucking Sparrow” Depp and Danny “I really love xylophones, guys” Elfman and some other people like his wife and shit.  On the other hand, American McGee has an army of small chinese children coding his game as well as the fact that his vision of Alice is actually somewhat dark compared to Burton who well… just hams it up for the slit your wrist demographic.

While Tim Burton’s vision hasn’t been interesting since Big Fish, he still has all of Hollywood behind him.  Like most mainstream products these days he doesn’t really need to push hard to get noticed with this – American McGee has his work cut out for him.  Hopefully McGee comes up with an interesting plot because that is one thing that will work to his advantage.  The plot lines of both Burton’s upcoming film and McGee’s first Alice Game are nothing new.   The main idea of both reminds me a great deal of “Return To Oz” which had the right idea years ago.

The only thing Burton could really do to impress me is to have Alice flying on the Jabberwock attacking a giant Cheshire Cat played by Gary Busey.  You want that cat to scare the shit out of kids? Put Busey’s goddamn face on it.  That will sell tickets, guaranteed.

We told you it was horrifying.

Maybe make Tommy Chong the caterpillar and Eddie Izzard the Queen of Hearts (or, if we’re going with the original Disney verison, then Roseanne Barr) and you’ve got yourself a winner.  Ditch Danny Elfman too, get John Williams up in this.  Burton is well past his prime it looks like.

Oh yeah, I forgot American McGee.  I don’t know, make something playable maybe?

In the end, I don’t care who wins because in the end, nobody does. Well, except for Hot Topic who is going to make a killing on all of this “dark fairy tale” bullshit.  The only thing that could make any of this worse is if Burton started making dark Will Ferrel movies.